Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
