Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
