You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
