I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im holly from the hills drunk
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The Olympian is in my bed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
