I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
