I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
