It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
