Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
