I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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