My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
