now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
