You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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