It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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