She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
