shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
