Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
