You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
