he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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