Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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