if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
