I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
