do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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