I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
