I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
