Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize