I heard we made out
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
