god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
