i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize