i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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