He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
