There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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