hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
