dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
