I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
