Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
