You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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