is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
