Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The struggles of a small town man whore
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
