after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
