it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
