I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
