rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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