Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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