Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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