So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
