toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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