Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
