and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
