so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
