OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
