if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
