There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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