the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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