Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We left the knife in your bed.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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