Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
