Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
