I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
