Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
