Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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