i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
