I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
