Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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