Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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