Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
