I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
