I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
