Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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