So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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