last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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