mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
