I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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