the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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