can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
