he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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