how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
