do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
