I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
