Betty ford says i'm here all night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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